Is Going Green Making Your Spouse See Red?
by Tania Reuben
on January 8, 2010
How is your marriage/relationship handling your green conversion?
Short of two eco minded meeting and marrying. It seems that many households have one spouse who starts to become greener or healthier and drags the other along for the ride.
Dude happily embraced my last vehicle, the hybrid Lexus RH400 – which I loved but no longer worked for us during the double stroller, double car seat days which are fast drawing to a close (is that possible!). Enter the mini-van. Convincing Dude that vinegar is an effective germ killing substitute for Lysol is a tougher sell. Getting him to carry his own bottle of water, not happening (yet). When he came home with a gallon of Pantene Pro V, I almost returned it – stopping myself – thinking it would be best interest of our marriage.
I could go on… and on… and on… sharing my personal favorite; my husband calling me by my mother’s first name! What is even more frustrating is that he does this without getting informed and I write a blog on the subject matter!
The question becomes how to balance a commitment to living greener or healthier without running off your mate. They did take you for better or worse, but may not have bargained for flax meal and fair trade.
What impact does making green changes have on a marriage?
Sometimes the greener spouse gets excited about a new idea, we run around with a sledge hammer making changes, meanwhile others in our family were quite content with the old way of doing business.
Even worse, we’re right. We feel extremely justified in our position! How can there be an argument? While we may be “right”, nothing will kill a marriage faster than taking that position! A marriage has it’s own set of rules, negotiated over time by each couple. Steamroll your spouse one too many times and you might find they tune you out completely. Needless to say this does not make for a happy union.
- What compromises are you making to keep your spouse on the greenwagon? Are they moving along with you or resisting and backtracking?
- How are you coping with their reaction?
- How are you modifying your green/detoxing/healthy feeding efforts to accommodate you mate?
- What solutions have you found that work for your entire family?
- What have you found you can’t get cooperation on, no matter how hard you try?
Please share your stories and examples!
Share with me via email tania (at) purenaturaldiva dot com or using the comments section below!
Do you know a couple that has split up over this issue? Please let them know about this piece – I’d be saddened, but would like to document some of these stories to learn & teach from the experiences of others.
How is your marriage/relationship handling your green conversion?
{ 8 comments… add one }
lol… very relevant to me and my wife. At one time, I was ambivalent to my wife’s green actions at best and fairly annoyed at worst. We have had some heated conversations about things I did and why I should ‘conform’ (or at least that is how I saw it) to Ashley’s new green lifestyle.
Now, I am fairly green. What changed it? Well, sure I want to make my wife happy so that certainly played a role. A bigger part was something that clicked in me. I think it had to do with growing a garden last year and also a growing commitment to my personal health. Then, I started a blog talking about my green wife and me not being green (www.guygoesgreen.com).
Since I started the blog, it has been really has been an eye opener. I have figured out that many of the ‘green’ things I can do are super easy or take very little effort. Ashley and I still have our heated discussions like any good couple does, but when it comes to being green, we are now pretty much on the same page. I took a little persistence from her and some brain churning from me, but we are now having a great time together going green.
I guess I’m really lucky. My husband kind of lets me get on with things, and mostly agrees with me. What I have found though, is that if I want to introduce a BIG change, I just ‘mention’ it, in passing. Wait a few days and mention how it would be benefcial to us. Wait a few days again and suggest a trial period. That’s worked for us, and is how I got a home water birth, and a pretty much herbal medicine cabinet! This year’s project, as I’ve mentioned, is the natural cleaners!
For me so far so good. Scott doesn’t quite get the compost–especially when I never empty it. He hasn’t given in to the chicken plea–yet. But I imagine within the year we will be eating fresh eggs from our very own chickens.
The to-go cups (coffee etc) are our biggest struggle–so I buy him really cool ones and make sure they keep clean–and I put them in his truck providing factual evidence never hurts too.
My boyfriend was initially skeptical, but he’s open to research and experimentation. And once we find a habit that’s good, he becomes more of a fanatic about it than I am! I guess that works out well–I’m the initial push and he’s the follow-through.
My husband has been great about most changes. He cares very much about our health so toxins are very easy to take out. He still eats more food out that I would like and not sure he will ever get on the non-consumer boat but I take what I can get. He will eat organically, shop locally, buy green and such but he still likes new stuff.
Normally I make a change and if he sees it’s helping me or easy he does as well.
Brenda – I love that – You’re the push and he’s the follow through!
I know it can’t all be roses though! Just after I published this I found this piece in the New York Times.
Interesting subject! My husband of 21 years has understood since the beginning that “green” is part of the package, altho that’s not what it was called back then. We haven’t butted heads on too much. At first, he objected to the extra work that “they” wanted us to do for the excellent recycle program Edmonton has (city we formerly lived in) ie: separating plastic, collapsing milk jugs etc. Over time he saw that I persisted, so he does too. The home garden produces good food, so no argument there, but there was some discomfort at having a worm bin in the house. His Ma is a clean freak, so really, I can see where he comes from and have gently persuaded. Plus, there are innumerable examples of how we can save money by being green. Since he likes to beat every penny that leaves the property with a stick, this is very pleasing
I guess I’m pretty lucky that Kevin is also enthusiastic about all things green and actually better or more consistent about implementing some of them. I think he’s more open minded about vermicomposting in the house than I am! I’m currently cutting down on dairy in my diet for both green and ethical issues; he’s not joining me, but he doesn’t complain when I cook, either. I can live with that.